Sunday, January 17, 2016

When Allergies Attack


When allergies attack, usually in the form of severe cold-like symptoms, they show no mercy and magnify my progressive Multiple Sclerosis symptoms to the umpteenth degree.

Normal attacks used to produce mild congestion, irritated eyes, and minor sinus pressure which allergy medicine could relieve. Such is no longer the case. Let me elaborate:

Imagine threading a shredded piece of 14-gauge wire through your right nostril and back out the left one. Then, while grasping each end of that same wire, see-saw it back-and-forth to lightly scrape the inside of the cavity. It may cause austere inflammation, coupled with some unpleasant drainage, as you attempt to inhale and exhale, but keep that motion going...all day.

Now, imagine placing a small balloon behind each eyeball. Quickly fill the balloons with water, to reach maximum stretch, just shy of bursting. Drop in a few pebbles to slosh around for fun. Jiggle each water-filled balloon by tapping a finger against its side, creating a constant ripple effect behind the eyes. Be sure to coat each eyeball with a thick layer of Vaseline prior to jiggling, but only after placing a 22-pound dumbell atop your frontal lobe. And maybe a 5-pounder along your temples, for good measure. Small drops of liquid may buckle under the pressure and constantly trickle from the outside corner of your eye lids, but no need to be alarmed.

Next, imagine unleashing a large Mason jar of El Paso fire ants directly onto your face. Let them roam wherever they may. The coating of Vaseline you applied earlier may hinder some of the ants from traveling very far, but eventually they will tire of the eye, nose, and ear regions and migrate to the terrain of lips, tongue, or tonsils. They will settle in and cause difficulty swallowing. Which, in turn, will create difficulty breathing. A few deep, burning coughs may be spewed. This is to be expected.

All-in-all, I know my remaining body parts are in for a super yummy treat (twitches and/or tremors) when these nearly indescribable sensations combine during a long-lasting--days? weeks? months?--allergy attack, for which there are no medicinal cures. They simply become the icing on the MS cake!

Sure. I'll take a slice...

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

No Laughing Matter?

I instantly burst into giggles when I saw this T-shirt. Others found it offensive. I'm not going to lie: MS can be frustratingly debilitating and it is certainly no laughing matter. On occasion, I wish the Geek Squad could just factory reset my brain to clear any viruses, but sometimes I simply have to find humor in its dysfunction. And, above all, be grateful that humor still has the ability to tickle my brain.