In times past, I have casually mentioned how glorious it would be to exist outside my body for just one day, completely free from the painful challenges of Multiple Sclerosis. And yes, I would literally stretch my hands to the sky, place a soft, nostalgic smile on my face, and twirl in an imaginary meadow with that thought. My last expression, however, stopped me mid-sentence. The realization hit (hard!) that no matter how wonderful the proposed idea seems, I would only plead for more time and viciously battle climbing back into this broken vessel when the day was done.
What on earth had I been saying? That is not my purpose in life. My battle here is to overcome mortal challenges, not fight to avoid them! I immediately told myself to quit talking nonsensically.
For the most part, I do. Admittedly, my thoughts still drift there on occasion. Today would be a really fine day for having legs that wanted to cooperate and function properly, especially since my 5-year-old has a long list of fun demands scheduled. Putting mind over matter, I will somehow help him accomplish them.
Friday would have been a fabulous time for having a body that could outwardly display my excitement while attending the Idaho Steelheads hockey game. My date planned such a fun evening. I pretty much sat in my assigned seat, grasping my hands steadily together in my lap, and twitched like a jumpy little frog throughout the entire game. My ability to breath and swallow were severely hindered, which made it difficult for me to speak. He would smile or comment about various things, and the best I could offer was a return smile or a simple nod. I imagine others sitting near me thought I was colder than the ice rink. Hopefully, he understood otherwise. Even though no one else could tell, I had an absolute blast!
I do wish my physical body would allow me the freedom of outward expression whenever I desire it. But no matter how random and mysterious the MS battle may be, it will never control my spirit.
